you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
