It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
