pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
