I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
