i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
