In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize