I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
