I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
