Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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