Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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