I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
