Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
