It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
