She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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