Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
