Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
