If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
