He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
