He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I want is dick and wine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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