Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
