apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
