My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize