I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
someone owes me an orgasm
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
