I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
now i know why i became what i already was.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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