need another drink. this is the easiest way
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
