How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
