We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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