she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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