Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize