so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
