Did you just see the Batmobile???
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
