You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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