none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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