when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
