She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
