My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
