i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Me too!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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