i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
