I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
