Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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