You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
