my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
