I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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