Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
