sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.