I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition