I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?