No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment