sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home