I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
