If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My cat gives me a boner
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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