You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
