Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I cut my penus on the lid.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
