we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's always time for handjobs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
