When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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