Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
