Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So much rum. So many feels.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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