Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
