fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
