Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
