Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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