THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
