I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
