She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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