Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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