Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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