if i died would you start the facebook group?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
