You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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