Banned from zoo.
Again?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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