i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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