Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
