Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
