mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
