if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
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You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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