i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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