I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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