we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
