1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
