How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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