Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
