If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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