I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
