smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
COCAINE IS GR8
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
