haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
