my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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